today no sch...had cross-country instead.
yupp. it was kinda funn i guess?
then beat commented we were faster than last yr.
ohhh hurray....woohoo
then like, the first sec 1 runner to reach the finishing spot was somewhere behind me lor...after i walked towards the milo place thing, i saw her cross the line and towards val, whos at the finishing line lahh.
hmms...
anywayy...i did stop at a few points to wait for ppl, and walked quite a bit. esp the highway...i soo prefer the forest lahh!
its so damp and nice and cooling and it has soft soft ground...
=/
ya its nice la ok
then the expressway was hot and stupid

but wheneva had downslope, i wld wave towards sylvia and christine, then amanda and i wld runn and compete...
blehh?

yahh.
the bballers...sorta surprised me. their training worked wonders.
entire sec 2 bball team in top 20 noe?
hmm!
so cool..
melissa wld hav qualified too...then tt 20th girl wld be in the 21st place.
*should i smile?*

yeahh then i went to airport with beat and evan after tt.
at first wanted beach...but the sky made the decision for us and it rained.
hmm?
guess its jus fate la huh..

then we ate at burger kings...chatted...beat and evan and i looking at this nice and sweet looking girl who worked there.
haha siao lahhx
we went arnd the shops...
went skytrain and went about the terminals 1 and 2.
went terminal 1 for toilet cos evan and i wanted to poo.
beat followed us..then we went back to terminal 2 cos we wanna go home le.
evan stayed to do hw in airport so beat and i went back...

but we kinda...got confused?
and stopped at expo.
blehh!
then like it was boring and stuff...we din noe at first
thot the 'tanah merah' mrt like so funni. then this uncle told us its expo

beat and i started to chat
i tink?
i jus sat there feeling tired suddenly
it walked about
tried to be seductive as usual
but nooo..
ya. but then i brought up the topic of her again..
and beat got bit weird abt it
she started 'visualizing' her in front of us and pointing at the imaginary figure
then it talked, as itself, and her.
and i watched them converse.

i cun imagine her alr...i jus cant visualise her alr...
she jus.
ok i can see her legs? jumping or smth...
doing her tt trademark move
then beat and i staring ahead
and i saw her...her face jus in the distance and i wanted to move across and i almost lifted up my hand okk
i feel so les.
blehx
then like, i realised it was all my imagination and she started drifting away. her head looked so small and so far away.
but i thot she was standing in front of me jus now?
i got emotional about it
i tink i broke my promise
promising evangeline
and beatrice
and her
and myself
i teared.
then started shivering up a bit, and beat stopped so she made 'her' disappear then she sat nex to me.
feeling bad. haha
then i jus like, covered my face and started to cry lo
theres this smth in my throat tt time k...not my fault?
but heyy. the promise is not exactly broken or wadeva lor...i din feel sad.
nor happy
i jus felt...funnily weird...blank.

i dunno why la
i cld feel beat missing her too.
i din cry at the airport. only 2 tears or so at tt time.
i din noe i missed her this much lehh
i thot i din, and i felt upset about it.
i thot part of me had alr forgotten about her alr.
but i din
i cun visualise her..i thot i forgot about her too.

emotions are interesting creatures.

sighh.
i feel sleepy.
hmms okk...
then beat and i got into the nex train and we split up at aljunied.
my body was twitching when my train got near bishan.i dunno why.
i was hurting my back badly by standing in a weirdly awkward position.
it felt weirdd...but i din change my position and jus stared back at those 3 girls looking at me constantly.
eishh
then like....saw tonsa students from diff schs...doing this flag day thing...hmm...red cross?
i saw a red cross on the sticker la ok
so i tink it is. then i tink they give out nice cute lil toys on these stick things.
its kinda...weird? but cute la basically.

even the guys were holding a buncha those funni things.
i saw so many ppl today...
so many schs too.
i felt funni the entire day
esp at burger king and expo and in the mrt..
sigh.

got st nicks ppl...who refused to let me donate! bleh.
i felt tired so cun smile at them.
so me and this one girl ar...we both rolled our eyes.
then i stared at her back, and we both turned away and daoed each other.
haha..
hao you mo qi..

*blink*
i felt lost

but still..
evan, thanks lah. dunno why but well
thankew to jason too.
he made me smile
as in, uh-oh-i-dun-wanna-noe-wad -u-are-doing-or-gonna-do kinda weird laughs and smiles.
and its spastic laughter.
ohmann..

now i feel bit bitter, and my chest hurts.
jus there
she really felt so farr away ok

i m not trying to be depressed or wadeva cos i noe i dun like the feeling and i m not feeling tt rite now.
aiyahh crap la
who cares

shitt

i feel tt funny sensation again..
i wanna lean on someone.
someone who is willing to let me lean on him/her/it, and let me jus tear a bit, even tho we may not say much to each other.
i wann hugs (yeong eun hugs nice)
they are good
and useful

*squeakky*

todae had napfa 5 items
bleh. my standing b.jump was bad as usuall....i cant get my silver alr.
i always take silver for napfa. i dun wan gold!
but in cedar, its always been bronze le.

anyway...was not satisfied with my i.pull ups cos teacher stopped me at my 20th pull up. blehx
shuttle run was total shit...but i passed? haha
sit&reach...i tink it was the pain-est.
sit ups was ok...i paired up with sylvia!

hmms. lets see...
i was so pissed todae. but i guess i seemed happie.
hahaha
tts good..
i dun like RI la...at first no bad impression, but his class REALLI pissed me off BIG TIME.
i hate them la!
sniff*

aiyohh. d&t and aces day workout made me tired and veh sianned.
d&t got bit scorched on the finger while doing mel's frame with beat and chlo...then went back class and got this stupid papercut after pe.

omg la...i came home...sang...pretended i had an instrument in the band, and like, sang rock.
and avril songs.
one part sooo high and pitchy! ughhh
'my happy ending' tt part...i was totally shrieking and screeching like hell la

then i went to her blog...and realised i had been staring at it and listening to the slow song playing.
then i forgot the password and etc.
then i thot i forgot...
forgot her
so like, felt really sad for some reason, and cos its also a sad song...
sadd
then like....tears wanted to come.
and she came online and toked to me.
i brightened up abit i guess?
=)

but still...sighh
=(
 

Disguise- Lene Marlin

Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else
To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for the day
when your pain will disappear
when you know that it's not true
what they say about you
you could not care less about the things
surrounding you
ignoring all the voices from now on

- one my favourite songs now...i've been likin' it for so long, forgot to put it up. anyway, its reali meaningful...read the lyrics carefully. meaning is quite clear. i m sure us teenagers...surely some of us hav felt this way before. rite?? ahh...ohwells, i did. =D? i m luvin' it! -

had a bad day yst.
maths arr...
dun lyke trigo lah. as usual, i still hate geometry and graphs.
lovin' algebra!
ok...oh, and history sucks too.
*nods*

anyway...had 2.4 on mondayy..
it was okkay. jus bit disappointing.
i got realli tired after d&t.
upset lahh today.
had handbell self prac after sch.
useful but stupid..one stay back for half hour?
omg la..a waste of my time cann...

tuesday, like i said, bad bad day for me. us?
jogging was funn...we went against tt stupid old lady screaming at us.
"JOGG! dun walk!"
but we ignored her...we talked alot lah.
chatted and laughed during jogging session while walking.
haha..
then like, she turned on us and said wad, we purposely disobeyed her or wadeva crap.
which is true...
but tts not the point
point is, she was the main contributing factor which led to making us re-jog our 2 rounds.
i reali wonder who was the one who said we had muscle cramps la...
cos we cant back up any other evidence other than 2.4 yst, cos there are classes with 2.4 today jogging oso...and 2I jogged today as well.
so tt reason doesnt count much
yupp
then we went to re-jog again, ppl pointed and laughed and stared, and i boo-ed at them, showing the boo-ing sign.
then like, i asked the rest to cheer and wad...they gave me da look and continued runnin' like hell la.
=X
omg k

sighh~

btw it gets worse as time goes by.
day ruined by my inability to understand the maths, which happen to be taught when i wasnt arnd.
now. i noe how beat and nicholyn felt when they came back after a long long mc and dun understand a thing.
u will be un-confident wheneva things about tt certain chapter or wadva crops up.
not sure of the way u are doing it
not sure if u got it right
not sure if u hav the paper or the notes or the hw assigned
not sure if the angle is supposed to be there
not sure if the other angle was meant to be here

and when i try asking, sis cant be bothered with me, other sis too bz pitying herself for an unreasonable reason, mum too bz as well. then, i ask my classmates...uhh...
somehow i nvr get my timing rite
and -she- cant hear me. therefore, i shant disturb her after few minutes of bugging.
-it- is confused enough itself lahhs...
but still.

dunno lahh.
teachers tell us to ask them wadeva we do not understand.
but when i ask, he asks me why i din pay attention in class.
cos i din even attend those lessons? is tt a gd enough reason?
hope so..

mann...

"Love me for a reason, let that reason be love" ~ Angeline

morning, i kept chanting, "I am going to st nicks. I am going to st nicks.."
haha yeahh!
so excited manns.
but my excitement died down now le...
=|

went for balloting for primary registration...crystal got in!
she is the last 10 to be picked out...aww manns!
i got so nervous for her cann...but at the same time excited. kept looking' around round the place.
its like, damn big lah can?
anyway
CRYSTAL GOT INTO ST NIX!

wooooooooohooo~
haha

*cheers*

i shld hav been in there too...*sulk sulk*
i could hav been in there this year as well.
*pout*

I live so near st nicholas, its onli a road to cross away, but i've nvr been in the school.
woah?
okie...but i went todae!
haha
din get to explore cos we were rushing in, then rushed out in the end.
=(
ppl were staring at me...however, to my very SURPRISE, most of them looked small...primary sch students.
o.O>!

ahhwells~

then like, i sat behind this lil buncha st nicks gal while balloting took place.
then this lil girl...so cutee!
anyway, she kept looking behind herself and at me, then whenever i looked back in her direction, she wld turned back quickly.
uhh-huh...
=/

then like, ya.
i jus cant help it, but feel so happiee
my sis got in!
i shld hav been in with her too...
ohwell
i got into mayflower and cedar
=P
jus as good, or better.
haha...
i got into the schs with one of the nicest uniforms. my luck.
=x
cant stop smiling too...lolz

anyway...in a hyper mood lately!
=D
treasure it...

oh and jason, i dun love u too.
but yahh, great minds tink alike. esp recently, u realised?
*boo*
so there-

oh heyy...
check this blog out mann
this will seriously help us answer our doubts about the day...the track meet 04?
yupp.
cedarians, chi high guys, and even josephians, ex-cedarians and anonymous-es were included in the commentings. which were the funnest part to read.
haha
i got particularly amused.
it entertained me.
i couldn't stop smiling. somehow?

i got less pissed with tchs le...but still, my impression of them stay spoiled.
and blackened.
read it if u wish thenn...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/n2greg/30114.html?view=106658#t106658" title="http://www.livejournal.com/users/n2greg/30114.html?view=106658#t106658" target="_blank"http://www.livejournal.com/us...

i admire the president guy, the one who wrote the long longg essay-ish entry in there...and i commented!
the one who was truly impressed by him and is amused.
ahha
tts me!
=D
but its over for so long le...=P

- I stay as a proud cedarian -

heyy...its been a while.
national day celebrations held in cedar was pretty funn.
tho, the first part was quite boring but ya.
dance item was nice.
GO CHARMAINE AND SHIMIN!
tt part was to pay for wad clara and company shouted after the dance item.
no offence k...
but seriously pissed.
cos they left out 2 of them
but oh well. tt was the past?
anyway...loved the sparklers, community singing in the dark and light, and the lightsticks.
the choir quartet was damn good...=D
then we left while the rest of the sch was still singing.
chlo chris jams shuen beatrice evangeline shinwei and i rushed off.

went to airport and met up with mel.
shin evangeline and beatrice went off after chlo chris jams shuen and i. cos they needed to wait for shinwei.
uh huh
then got certain complications
which made us pissed at each other.
oh wadeva la...
then my grp ate with mel for a while, then the rest came.
then we had nice grp pictures.
and we discussed about exchanging the departure of mel to evan.
which made majority of us agree to tt.
evan was bit shocked. and we laughed.
haha?
but the rest of mel's family din exactly agree. and in the end, she still has to go.
after burger king, mel's dad let her stuff all her cards and pressies from us into his funni bag.
then i was on a lookout of the bballers, who came ltr.
lucky her family waited a while.
they were nice, brought big big and nice presents for her. but unfortunately, too big.
anyway...
esther is cute, i conclude.
haha
then went to see mel off after she took bout close to 15 min of photo taking with the bballers.
shin took for them.
then she left, and refused to turn her head to see us for more than a few seconds.
i wldnt too, if i were her.
then like, they were crying. but beat evan chlo shin chris shuen jamie and i din exactly sob.
had tears...felt upset...felt tt the airport was a contaminated place where ppl say goodbye.
we prob cried finished the rest of the past wk alr...

then we all went to the viewing mall, which unfortunately din show her plane.
bballers dao-ed us.
then we walked round and round.
and i ended pissed off again.
the all was left was chris chlo jamie shuen and i.
i made then wait for beatrice evangeline and shinwei to show up but they nvr did.
so the rest got impatient, and i did too, and we left.
end up, i went home by myself, deliberately gg on my own, while the rest went to chloe's to hav sum fun.
i felt bad. but ahhwells?

then yeahh.
i tink i said too much. it all cld be summarised but no...

feelin' an emptiness inside my heart. there was this place for her, but now a hole. and hollow le.
shall miss her.
tho october is onli 2 months away.
but still...
things will NVR be the same again.
it alr changed
wks ago when i knew about it.

"Charlotte, guess what? Remember i told you about thailand last year?" She had asked me previously.
"Uh no? What about it...haha, dun tell me u go migrate to Thailand next year or smth?"
"Huh? How you know..."
I was surprised at my own sheer intelligence. but the wait wasnt long and it wasnt till nex year. it was 2 or 3 wks ltr.
i regret guessing out the answer so accurately.
=(
but...
memories are one of the most wonderous thing...helpful things when u are in need of care...
=/
i shall move on, like she will be doing.
but she shall always be a part of US.
right?
 
i shall answer tt myself.
its a yes
a definite yes

pls tell me i m right?

p.s. tblog is lagging...